it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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