hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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