she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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