So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
