I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize