I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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