that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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