Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
