I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
