So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize