I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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