I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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