I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
