Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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