What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
