This dress was meant to end up on your floor
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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