One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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