i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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