Me too!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
