Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Randomize
