she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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