Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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