So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize