I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
