i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
