I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
it was like eating out sand paper
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
