Having a random hookup so left but love u
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
