I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
