I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
