took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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