Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
