I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
