I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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