She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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