i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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