I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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