my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
