i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
