I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
