At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
