I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
