I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
