I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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