Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
