i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i think im in europe. pls send help
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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