I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
