he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
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so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
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Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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