I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
