I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
