A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.