"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila