I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
