woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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