Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
