It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
