Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
