Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
