dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
