actually, I'm a sock model
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
