i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
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