So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
