it was like eating out sand paper
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
