My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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