if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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