Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
