That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize