So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
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Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
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What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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