i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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